Be A Douche bag – Tips to Dress and Act like a Douche

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1. Tip number one. Unbutton your shirt all the way to the navel. Drives the ladies nuts, I probably should show off a little bit more chest here all eight of my chest hairs. Yes, I’ve counted them and I’ve named them.

2. Tip number two. Pop the color for no reason. In fact, if you can wear multiple shirts with multiple pop colors, that’s ideal.

3. Tip number three to dress like a douche bag. Wear sunglasses, but wear them at night and make sure to wear those big wraparound shades and, when it’s not nighttime, make sure to wear them on the back of your head. It’s kind of weird because you’re not wearing them, but you are.

4. Tip number four. Invest in designer tank tops aka wife-beaters. Wear them as outerwear because how they were meant to be worn.

5. Tip number five. Go for a blown out haircut and make sure to spike it. Use a lot of product. Make sure those ends are nice, sharp, and chiseled so that you can use them as stabbing weapons in case you’re in a fight. Now, let’s transition over to behavior.

6. So, tip number six. Always one up people, whenever somebody says something positive they say something that they have, made sure that you make them feel lower by pointing out that you is better or that you own something that cost more.

7. Tip number seven. Anytime another man brings his wife, his fiancée, his girlfriend within proximity to you, you have permission to hit on them because why else would he have brought them even closer to you? You’re pretty freaking awesome, he should just have expected that you would do your natural thing.

8. Tip number eight. Speaking of your natural thing, if it is above freezing take your shirt off immediately and show that six-pack abs and every time you see a woman, tell her to touch that six-pack abs, If she doesn’t touch them, obviously she’s lesbian.

9. Tip number nine. Gym etiquette, always make sure to take plenty of water with you. I’m talking at least a one-gallon jag preferably five-gallon because you got to stay hydrated and, when you’re in the gym, again, take that shirt off, take pictures, and film every single lift.

10. Finally, tip number ten. Peace signs in every single picture and if you’re not in the picture, throw in a peace sign anyway. All right, gentlemen. So, now, it’s your turn. What did I miss? Hopefully, you enjoyed this one.

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